I wish my penis had an off switch
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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