We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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