# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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