Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
