I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
