Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
