And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
