the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
