oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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