What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize