So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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