Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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