Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
