Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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