i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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