New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
