am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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