YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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