I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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