4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
