When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
