are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
