I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize