That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
that is very illegal...i love you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
