I think i peed on brittanys purse
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
