I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
