with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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