don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
