Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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