We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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