Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
True college students do jello shots in the library
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