I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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