She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
