you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
