You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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