Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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