Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
