I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
