I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Congratulations! We have a period
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
