is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
