dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
two words: eviction party
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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