How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
