where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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