Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
