How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
