Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize