Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
