Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
