i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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