can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
