i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
