shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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