Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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