oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
