too bad you live with your parents still
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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