I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
