Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
where are you?
Hypothermia
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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