the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
