but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
