I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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