Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize