I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
