I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize