awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
