The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
third nipple confirmed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
