i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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