My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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