Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
