she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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