I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize