how can u be prego again
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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