Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so let's talk penis.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
